addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
