You made me cry and you don't even care
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
