omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
