Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
