so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
