so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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