he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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