took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
