I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
