So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
