Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
