do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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