ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
