So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
