K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
