planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
