I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
