I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
