she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i think i just lost a toe
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
