I just pynch a tree in the face
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
