saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Is it penis luge time yet?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
