Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
