i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
