I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
