Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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