How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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