Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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