my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
