I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
