Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
