just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
