I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
