I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just tell him i said nine months
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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