so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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