her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
