How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
