Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
