The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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