i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
