I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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