First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
