Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
