i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
