if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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