so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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