Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
