i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
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