I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
