somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
