this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
