you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
