Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
