i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
