the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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