Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
