I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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