somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
