I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
