Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
