i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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