all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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