He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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