We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
