So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
