K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
